Introducing SummaRize.ai
Finally, an AI-powered app that allows you to pick how you want to be lazy and stupid...on YOUR terms.
To help make ends meet, I’ve decided to sell sponsored posts from my Substack promoting various products. This post describes an AI platform that solves a problem people definitely have and wasn’t just manufactured to sell some shitty app.
In the transformative, fast-paced business landscape of today’s world, information is king. And how we process that information isn’t just important — it’s also critical.
(Oh before we go back to the sponsored post, I wanted to let everyone know that while this is an ad for a platform that uses AI, I did not at all use AI to write this. I take pride in my words, I like writing, and I still find I do my best writing using my own brain rather than a shitty LLM. Using AI to write this wouldn’t just be dishonest — it would also be deceitful).
Whether you’re a knowledge worker in the corporate world or you own your own business, you likely get inundated with information all the time. Whether you’re getting flooded with social media posts, newsletters, or podcasts, reading lots of letters can be hard. And in today’s fast-paced business landscape in which AI helps us all work smarter, not harder, there’s no reason we should have to spend too much time consuming information.
That’s why I’m proud to promote this new app….
SummaRize.ai
Its purpose is simple: SummaRize.ai takes any piece of content — like a podcast, video, or a third thing kind of like them — and saves you the trouble of having to engage with it. No, it will just summarize the entire thing for you, and then give you a set of notes only an idiot baby could fail to understand. Many of the notes it gives you will be wrong, but you’ll at least save time.
This kind of app isn’t just transformative — it’s also a synonym of transformative.
But what if you don’t like reading? It’s true that while reading is another way of obtaining information, it can be hard and make our eyes and head hurt, particularly if there are any long words or complicated ideas. And in today’s fast-paced landscape, there’s no reason why we should ever have to read…well, anything.
That’s why SummaRize.ai has another feature in which it can take a summary you have of something — whether that thing is a podcast, video, or a third thing like them — and can turn it into a podcast, video, or any other thing that is not words you have to read.
Would you rather listen to a podcast than read a summary of that podcast you just summarized because you didn’t want to listen to it in the first place? Or perhaps you’d rather watch a shitty AI video that recreates a summary of an actual video created by a person? Whatever way you want to avoid actually grasping a concept in favor of a weird shortcut that defeats the entire purpose of engaging with a piece of media in the first place, SummaRize.ai has you covered.
Using SummaRize.ai doesn’t just help you summarize harder, it helps you summarize smarter.
Once you get your podcast or video of a summary of a podcast or video, and you realize — “Hey, this is going to take too long to watch or listen to!” — don’t fret. SummaRize.ai can then condense it into a few short words that you will definitely understand. So for those keeping track: you start with a podcast or some other long thing. You turn that into a short summary. Bullet point lists, key takeaways, main themes. You then turn that BACK into a shorter podcast that is basically a robot-sounding voice reading words. Then you turn that podcast into like, three to four words that are now barely comprehensible together as an idea.
I’ll give you an example: the other day I wanted to listen to a podcast in which Tim Ferriss interviewed Martin Scorsese. After a few turns through SummaRize.ai, I came away with this:
CINEMA DIRECTOR GOODFELLAS POCDAST
See? Isn’t that much better? Sure, it’s just a few random words vaguely describing what you could expect from this. Hell, one of those words isn’t even spelled correctly. And you really don’t get anything from those words, but you’re forgetting the most important thing: you saved time. It only took me two seconds to read them! And that kind of time saving can be positively transformative.
Finally, if all of that is too much for you, SummaRize.ai comes with a microchip for purchase that you can upload all the summaries to before having it inserted directly into your brain. The procedure is very costly but remember that time is money. The time you’ll save not listening to some shitty podcast you apparently couldn’t be bothered with will be worth it. You can use that time to start your own business built with vibe coding you did on Claude to create some terrible app no one needs.
Oh, and the procedure is also very dangerous. Wait, sorry, what I meant to say was it’s not just risky…it’s also dangerous.
And the best part about SummaRize.ai? It’s a solution to a problem that totally existed and definitely needed fixing.
I do not have anything to add for this paragraph, but I wanted to make sure I hit my arbitrary emdash quota for this ad. So, here you go: —. Once again, this was totally written by a human and not AI. I repeat…—.
The steps to using SummaRize.ai are simple. Wait, did I say that already? I don’t have a lot to add about it so I find myself repeating or rehashing things. That is a thing humans often do when they’re writing. In today’s fast-paced landscape it can be hard not to repeat yourself, or over-rely on triad phrasing, or talk about how something isn’t just X, it’s also Y.
Remember that repeating yourself is how you work smarter, not harder.
Conclusion
In summary, SummaRize.ai is extremely useful. Gone are the days when you actually have to read words or listen to something or watch something. The era of the reader or the listener is gone. It is now the era of the SummaRize…er.
Or should I say the Summariser…
Or Summarizr? Would that sound like “SummaRIZZER” if pronounced? Would it be cooler to drop the e? I don’t know how to misspell this fake word for maximum impact.
In closing, remember that SummaRize.ai isn’t just one adjective…it’s also another adjective that means the same thing as the first adjective.